I'm really sorry, this isn't a vagina-related question, but it's boob-related and I've seen boobish questions here before so…

Also, I have a sense of deja vu about this question, I think someone might have asked it before, so if they have I aplogise.

I have a question about what to do in a certain situation. What do you say when someone questions whether or not your boobs are fake? My boobs are a natural size 30F, and because I'm so thin people often ask me if they are real. I tell them they are but they always remain dubious. I find this so offensive and upsetting, but I never know how to respond, so I was wondering if anyone had any advice.

Ideally I'm looking for something snappy to say back at them. What makes these people think they have the right to say things like this? It upsets me because I feel like they're taking something from me. My breasts are mine, they belong to me, they grew this way naturally, and I love them for what they are. And they're implying otherwise. I don't want peope to think that they only look this way because I have surgically altered them. I know I shouldn't care but it's so damn frustrating having people fail to believe you when you tell them something about your own body. It annoys me on so many levels. Firstly, it's no-one's business what I do with my body. Secondly, they're implying that the female body can only ever naturally look a certain way — that slim women should have small breasts and curvaceous women should have large breasts. The female body comes in all shapes and sizes, why sould I be made to feel like an oddity?

URGGH, I could rant about this for days. Anyway, tips/advice?

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31 Responses to Boobs — how do you respond to this?

  1. OyrZero says:

    Unless this is someone that you are VERY close friends with, it is none of their business and is EXTREMELY rude to even be asking. And if it were a close friend, I might even say the same thing!

    Just tell them that even asking about your breasts is rude and that you feel no need to answer them and also wonder why you should continue talking with them. Don’t even get to the point of them questioning your response.

  2. Siaora says:

    You’re right, of course. It’s just those obnoxious, loud, attention-seeky types who barely know you but ask you to embarrass you – I know they are idiots and I shouldn’t care what they think, and I shouldn’t even dignify it with a response, but it really angers me and I can never let it go.

  3. Lrious says:

    I’m sorry hun I’ve been through this too. As a 34ish-38DD (depending on my weight, back fat and such) people will occaisonally ask me the same. I’ve learned to just tell them yes they’re natural. Sometimes though for laughs, if I think I can keep a straight face, I run my fingers lightly over my ears and say “these aren’t though, got them in 2008 (or w/e year).” The looks on their faces are priceless.

    People are going to ask, people are less than smart (putting it nicely) that way. It’s like people asking if your hair is real, is that the natural color of your hair, are you preggers, why are you parking in that handicapped spot (OMG people have actually asked my mom this because she can walk..longer story), and so on. People can be stupid (not nice) and I’m sorry you have to hear it and be around it.

    Much ove for a big-breasted girl. *HUGS* *Well not a close hug b/c our boobs will create a gulf between us* 😛

  4. Siaora says:

    Haha, thank you! That’s hilarious I’ll have to remember and try that 🙂

  5. 452Super says:

    Your question immediately brought to mind one of the best ever episodes of Seinfeld. I refer you specifically to this clip of the last line of the show, in which everyone spent time speculating on whether Teri Hatcher’s character had implants.

  6. Siaora says:

    Haha, brilliant. 🙂

  7. EadWo says:

    I’m a big fan of a super snide look and an -incredibly- disdainful “Didn’t anyone teach you manners?”, and then walk away, or otherwise disengage from the conversation. Because it really, really isn’t their business, and asking is just plain rude. And you shouldn’t be put in a position of trying to defend your body to someone who can’t even bother to understand basic societal boundaries.

  8. Siaora says:

    Thank you! I think a modified version of your very last line there should do perfectly!

  9. Begana says:

    I would make a disgusting, taken aback face and say “UM, None of your business!”

    But that’s just me. I know it’s not “snappy” but unless it was one of my very very close friends or something I would be offended and would not even feel obligated to answer the question.

  10. Begana says:

    I did not mean a “disgusting” face but a “disgusted” face. Haha sorry!

  11. Skcoma says:

    How about something like, “Wow, I’m sure you didn’t mean to be so rude there?” or something similar that calls them out on their behavior?

  12. Lrime says:

    I’ve got 36DD’s – And people do ask about them.

    I often tell people “Oh, these aren’t breasts. I’m smuggling grapefruits/cornish game hens/kittens.” Or something equally silly.

    Though I do like the “my ears are fake” response!

  13. Dri007 says:

    Kittens sounds legit! There is a photo of me doing just that. I had two very relaxed kittens so I tucked them in my shirt with their heads peaking out. They were identical kittens so I could say “meet the twins!”. XD I think next time I get a large boobs comment I will just say its actually kittens!

  14. Teszoa says:

    I know how ya feel, I’m a natural 32F. Unless the person that’s asking is very close to me, or someone I’m comfortable talking to about my body (and it’s known fact between us) I would tell them that my body is none of their business, and they should go find someone else to talk to because I don’t talk to rude idiots.

    I honestly have no idea why people think it’s okay to ask someone something like that. It’s bad enough that people feel like it’s okay to harass or stare or snicker at someone with large breasts. I don’t get it.

  15. sFru says:

    my friend’s mom asked me that the other day, it was kinda awkward and didn’t know how to answer.. so i just laughed and said they were real

    She was making us some costumes and apparently she got really impressed by my boobs

  16. HarSmall says:

    Here’s another community where you can find a whole load of support: http://thirty-twod.womanorium.com/

    As for now, if anyone asks whether they’re real or fake, you can say, “As if a surgeon could do this good a job! Please. You can thank my parents later.”

    ETA: I’m a 32GG and while people aren’t as rude as to directly ask, I usually cut people off and beat them to the punch if I can tell their eyes are going in that direction. “They’re great, aren’t they? Thanks, Mom!”

  17. Hteall says:

    If you can do the Undead Voice from WoW, there’s always one of the /silly things that female undead say… (Raspy voice: “They’re real. They’re not mine, but they’re real.”) Probably followed by, “Why do you want to know?”

    The Draenai version is “Yes, they’re real. And they can cut glass.” Again, best done in the Drae accent.

    • Though “Why do you want to know?” in a sufficiently cool voice might quell the curiosity.
    • Another approach for that might be, “And do you know me well enough to ask that?”
    • And then there’s just the level stare, silently…
    • Or the cut direct: stare them up and down, turn, and walk away.
    • The outraged, “Did you just ask a stranger about her breasts?”
    • Or, “If that’s a pick-up line, it fails.” Possibly with a “EEEHHHH” buzzer noise.
    • Or tersely, “You’re not my type” as an answer and walk off, if possible…
    • Or, “Are you hoping I’ll say ‘no’ so you can find out a surgeon’s name?” for breast-owners.
    • Humor could be, “Actually, they’re genetically engineered. I’m a secret government project. I also see in the dark like a cat. Don’t tell the CIA I told you or they’ll have to brainwash you.”
    • If you can arm yourself with statistics — preferably real ones — you can go, “Actually, yes! I am in the Xth percentile for weight and the Yth percentile for breast size, which puts me among Z% of other people on the bell-curve — and if you add my Qth percentile height, then that means I’m in R%! Isn’t math interesting? Furthermore, if you figure that there are [P-million] people with breasts in the United States, that means that W of them are going to have my exact cup size at this weight! But, if you add in hip size — mine’s a ##, which puts me in the ###th percentile…” (The key would probably be to do that in a very quick voice, not pausing for breath, and gesturing enthusiastically. The more you can memorize and rattle off with a straight face, the more they get to feel trapped by TMI and math. This does run the risk of impressing a math-fanatic!)

    I hope some of those at least get a mild amusement for you! Good luck!

  18. Etafornia says:

    when i was in 8th grade…i was a AAA cup. over winter break i went up to a B cup. i had to deal with all sorts of rude remarks about stuffing my bras, etc. absolutely real, though.

    then i went from a B to a DD when i got pregnant with my daughter. i havent gone below a C+, D- since.

    to men, ive been known to say “i dunno, did you ask for yours to be so small?” while looking at their crotch. but i’m a little bit of a bitch some days. *snickering*

    (my response to other kids about my boob growth in 8th grade? “Santa thought i was a VERY good girl, see what he brought me?”)

  19. AbaNope says:

    “Santa thought i was a VERY good girl, see what he brought me?”

    That. Is the best comeback I’ve seen thus far. Seriously, all of the comeback-idea comments here are making me laugh so hard. I love VP 🙂

  20. Dekdy says:

    To the “are they real?” question, I have been known to reply, “Why? Do you think you might be imagining them?”

    Also, my standard response for tactfully (okay, maybe only tactfully in my head) know they are crossing a boundary is to stage whisper, “You do know you just said that out loud, right?”

  21. OtoNobody says:

    As someone who only straddles the A/B line, I haven’t had this experience since 6 grade since I was the first girl to develop breasts and curves in my class, I’m not too sure how to respond respectfully. Personally, I’d release the Bitch long enough to say, “Why? Are you afraid that they’ll draw attention away from you? I’m sorry they make you feel insecure, but I’m not afraid of being proud of winning this bit of my family’s genetic lottery.”

  22. Oleana says:

    i feel you. i’m a 30G or 30H depending on the bra. i have a small frame and i’m 5’2.” people have asked me before or said things to other people and i find it very rude but have never thought of anything to respond with. to me it’s like asking someone if they’ve gotten a nose job- something i would never ask since it is none of my business.

  23. Hakle says:

    I’m a really small chested woman myself, and I get how it feels to have people judge you on a body part that you haven’t had any say over. For instance, at a friend’s wedding once, an acquaintance had never seen me in a dress before, and he made this comment: ‘Wow, you look really nice. If you had boobs, I’d think you were actually a woman!’

    Yeah, people are arseholes. I just said to him – ‘ If you hadn’t just made that comment, I’d think you were succeeding at making people believe you’re a human being.’

    You could make a comment about how jealousy or the colour green really doesn’t suit them, or that perhaps they should take a moment and think about the tripe they’re allowing to pass their lips – next time their insulting comments might be aimed at someone with a black belt.

  24. Dri007 says:

    I personally take the tmi tack explaining in detail and as many big words as I can manage (which is a lot since my vocabulary is in the 99th percentile) how you can tell fake boobs from real ones because of alterations implants make to the physical structure of the breast… And if they haven’t taken a hint by then I launch into a detailed explanation of how sex change surgeries are done (something I’m very familiar with as 3 of my friends are in the process of it)…. Which sends most running for the hills. Strangely mist peopke do not want detailed info on surgery involving genitalia. :p If they stay part that… Either they are really awesome or creepy as hell! :p

    Or if you like the short way to go when asked if they are real just respond “are yours?”

  25. Hsabody says:

    I have a flatter chest than Keira Knightley but it doesn’t seem to matter to random strangers on the street what size a person’s boobs are – it’s totally their right to make a horrible comment!

    I’ve gotten people come up to me for YEARS just to point out that I don’t have visible breasts in most outfits, as though I was not aware of it. But I tend to be too shocked by it (every time) to ever come up with something witty to say in return. I stick with the golden oldie of ‘Wow, I had no idea looking at you that you’re such a giant cock.” and cue exit stage left.

    BUT. ♥ I’m so sorry this happens to you. I’m even more sorry it happens SO MUCH that a post like this is required. Fuck sometimes I hate people – our boobs are NOT public domain.

  26. Teszoa says:

    Ugh, people are seriously asshats. Sorry you have to go through this!

  27. Selyle says:

    ugh. people making rude comments about your body is the worst. I’m pretty skinny, and people often say things like, “do you ever eat??” It really isn’t fair- if a person deviates from the body standard that the media pushes onto people, it’s generally accepted that it’s rude to make a comment about their body. But say you DO happen to fit the mold in one way- then suddenly it’s like open hunting season, and everybody feels like it’s okay to say these sorts of things. Jealousy probably prompts the majority of the comments, and that’s what I tell myself, but it still doesn’t make it any less awkward.

  28. Kdgle says:

    I work in a coffeehouse and a customer asked me that once. I’d had kind of a bad day, and without thinking I said “Yeah, they’re real, just like my fist,” which I then waved threateningly.

    I like other people’s suggestions, though. I’m not a violent person and I’m not quite sure what possessed me, but I was srsly annoyed.

  29. Oreova says:

    OK, I’ve loved a lot of these comments, but yours made me lol. Menacing busty barista, awesome!

  30. Arudy says:

    I have a couple of favorites

    “They aren’t going to ask you out, you know.”
    “I’m just a figment of your imagination…..unless they are”
    “You’ll have to ask my mom… hers are just like them”
    “Is yours(crotch for men or chest for women)
    “You know- there ARE such things as MANNERS”
    “You might like to know- now you probably never will”
    My personal favorite

    “No, I don’t do miniatures”( which I(51DDD) said to a friend of mine at one point..making him- and the entire room full of men FLINCH

  31. Ailall says:

    “Wow. I can’t believe you would ask me that.”

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