Hi all.. I’ve been commenting here for a couple of weeks now, and I’m feeling a bit more comfortable about talking now.
Last July my boyfriend and I were diagnosed with genital warts. Neither of us have ever pointed blame (even though I showed symptoms first), as we’ve both had partners and are aware how common it is. We always had sex using condoms, and were both STI checked before we stated dating (we were a one-night-stand firstly.).
I managed to clear up my warts by November last year, but his have persisted, somewhat due to his blas? attitude to the treatment at first. Since getting his act together, he’s been in and out of the doctors every couple of weeks, but as the warts have spread to his shaft, and allowed for a second variety to set up camp, they are unable/unwilling at this time to use other in-house methods such as freezing.
At this point we’ve not had sex for several months, and the lack of intimacy has tainted other aspects of our otherwise brilliant relationship.
Yes, I know PIV sex isn’t everything, but with blow-jobs off the table, and him being frankly terrible at all things involving his mouth or hands near my clit, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m bordering abusive in the way that I’m talking to him (bringing up the fact lack of sex might break us up, that I worry about cheating on him.. being overtly honest really). Really, I’m having a hard time being ‘nice’ about it considering that it’s gone on for so long.
This does unfortunately for me come from a very abusive ex relationship where I was guilted into or deprived until I would agree to do sex acts I was very uncomfortable with. This in the end sent me into an eating disorder nose dive. I’m now healthy, but the lack of intimacy is bring back some old demons, and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to be at all intimate with him, to the point when I have started getting drunk to ‘help’ myself get over those feelings. Right now I’m eating properly, but I’m far more aware and negative of my size then I have been. In any case, my attitude towards him is inexcusable, and is really the first thing I need to address.
To make things worse, I’m moving away in a few weeks for training for my month-long job in Malta and I really want us to regain some of our solidarity before I go. I feel like I’m letting this relationship slip away, and I have no idea how to keep it together.
Does anyone have any advise for me?
Thank you everyone.