Hi all,
I was raped this past summer and besides having terrible anxiety and PTSD-like symptoms as a result, I also have some obsessive tendencies and cannot stop my catastrophic thinking surrounding the possibility of having contracted an STI.

So, long story short…I was raped this past summer by a guy I worked with. I was drunk and did not consent to sex, although I did consent to other things…That’s beside the point. The guy who raped me had a very promiscuous past, I’m not sure he even has an idea of exactly how many people he has slept with. He has had only female partners, but mentioned having a mild infection of his penis at one point that he cleared up by taking medication. I am aware that this is extremely vague, but what I remember of his genital area didn’t seem anything outside the norm. While I know this is not really a good indicator of health, I really didn’t think about this very much until very recently, because I was tested and am tested for blood diseases on a regular basis because I donate blood and plasma. However, for the past couple of weeks I have been experiencing some itching around my anus and am extremely freaked out. I recently went camping for a while and had limited access to clean underwear/clothes, and started itching when I was still on the trip. I didn’t really think anything of it, because, well, I was rather dirty, literally, for a week straight. When I returned from the trip I immediately shaved my nether regions including a bit of my backside area, and felt my razor graze a little raised bump. I panicked and went and got a small mirror to try to look and see what its appearance was, but when I looked I didn’t see anything abnormal, so I went and assumed it was probably an ingrown hair and stopped worrying about it.

I have TERRIBLE anxiety, and I’m PMSing right now…so maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but I’m really freaked out as to the possibility of having contracted HPV or warts or something. I had had the person who raped me blocked on facebook, but have just now unblocked him despite being triggered by seeing pictures of him/thinking about him at all, just to ask if there was anything he needed to tell me, but am awaiting a response.

I can’t think of any other reasons I would have something going on near my butt, I’ve never had anal sex (I know you don’t have to have anal sex to get warts/sores down there), I haven’t changed my pooping/wiping habits…I have gained a small amount of weight this year but nothing too extreme (I went from around 125 pounds to maybe, MAYBE 135 because of stress and poor diet, I’m about to graduate college)…I just am at a loss. Sometimes though I think I’ve wiped enough and later I’ll go back, my butt will be itchy, so I’ll wipe with a piece of toilet paper or a babywipe (non-scented, for sensitive skin), and there will be poo! It seems like I can never get it all.

Any suggestions/advice RE: calming anxiety in regards to this stuff, wiping, seeing your butthole more clearly in a mirror, anything…would be greatly appreciated.

Edited for more information/clarity:
I have not been examined down there or had a pelvic exam because of my terrible anxiety surrounding being touched down there/looked at, etc. Also forgot to mention that the person who raped me was from Ireland and was working in the USA, and had to have a full body exam and tests before coming to the US…So unless he lied to me, which I wouldn’t be surprised at, the logical side of me/the side that is not controlled by generalized anxiety says that he wouldn’t have been able to enter the country/work at the place we worked at (a children’s summer camp), without having a clean bill of health, and I would have known if he had any medical conditions because I saw all employee records because I worked in the business office and oversaw all the BUNAC workers paperwork. Sorry for rambling 🙁

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17 Responses to TW: Rape/STI’s, etc…

  1. Egdbody says:

    It could be that the skin around your anus just got irritated when you were camping and hasn’t calmed down yet. Although it seems like it might help extra wiping, scratching the area and using lots of soap can make it worse. Wiping with a wet wipe or yet toilet paper might help with getting the area clean. You might try getting hydrocostizone ointment, not cream, and applying it to the area when it’s clean and dry to see if that helps. I’ve experienced anal itching for the first time this year, and my mind also went straight to an STI. Certain things you eat will effect it to, caffeine and chocolate, any citris food. It might be a good idea to consider talking to a therapist about some of your anxiety and PTSD. I understand you having anxiety about being examined, but maybe if you found a doctor you really trusted you’d have less anxiety after having someone tell you there was or wasn’t an infection.

  2. Dri007 says:

    Oh, wow, thank you so much for your reply. I have also started drinking insane amounts of coffee lately (in the past month or so), so that might have something to do with it…I had no idea. I have always been a huge chocolate fiend but lately haven’t had much, but have really been overdoing the coffee. I really should go get looked at, I know, but I am finishing up school in upstate NY and our student health services are really awful. I haven’t had one good experience with any of the doctors or nurses in the health center so I guess I’m trying to wait to get back to my home state to go to the Planned Parenthood I went to when I was raped in high school…kind of failed to mention that. That’s the only place I’ve gotten comfortable and feel ok letting people touch me/examine me at all. I have some hydrocortisone ointment so I’ll try that too, for now…and maybe cut down on the coffee. Thanks so much again!

  3. Egdbody says:

    Your welcome, I’m glad it helped. When I first experienced it, I freaked out too. It doesn’t help that it’s a super annoying feeling to have throughout the day!

  4. Dri007 says:

    Definitely. It’s aggravating as hell D:

  5. Zdozoa says:

    I wonder if it could be an external yeast infection?

  6. Dri007 says:

    I have no idea! I really don’t think so, but I wouldn’t really have a clue because I’ve never had a yeast infection or any type of issue at all with my genitals so yeah…Maybe…What other symptoms go along with them, typically? I’ll do some google-fu and see what I come up with…

  7. 689No says:

    Unfortunately I can’t offer a lot of help, but there is one thing I can maybe help with. Have you considered that the itchiness is maybe a yeast infection? I’m wondering because you mentioned you’ve recently been camping for a while without much access to showers or clean clothes. Back in March I was in Belize for 10 days and half of that time was on a small sailboat with similar conditions. When I came home I ended up with the worst YI of my life. It was pretty miserable and everything down there itched. Obviously I can’t say for sure that is what you’re experiencing, but it might be worth considering.

  8. Dri007 says:

    Yeah, another commenter thought something similar but I’m not sure really what to expect because I’ve never had a yeast infection. I’ve been particularly careful about my hygiene since I’ve been back…I don’t really know what could be going on. I’ve never had any sort of infection or problem before 🙁 My current boyfriend who I am sexually active with has a weird little bump on his scrotum but it’s always been there, ever since he can remember, and he’s never had unprotected sex with anyone but me so I really don’t know what my issue could be :/ I haven’t had anything as far as bumps or cuts or scrapes or anything down there…I really just need to go get looked at but it’s really hard for me :/

  9. 689No says:

    From what I’ve read here on VP and other places, yeast infection symptoms can kind of vary. Other posters on the comm might be able to suggest some natural remedies you could try to help with the itching. I’ve never used them myself, so I’m not really sure how they work or what the best option for you would be.

  10. 29dWoman says:

    Yeast infections don’t mean anything about your hygiene-they can be tirggered by eating too many sugary foods/drinking sugary drinks, reaction to glycerin lube, among other things 🙂

    http://www.womanorium.com/index.php?title=Yeast_Infection

    http://www.scarleteen.com/article/infection/fbi_files_candidiasis_aka_yeast_infections

  11. Ezaora says:

    Sometimes YIs start as an itching of everything everywhere, including your butt area if it’s an external one. Another thing that I’ve found makes ME itch back there is if I have a hemorrhoid coming on. I have an issue with those, and the only way I know it’s coming is the itching. D:

    If it’s a YI, coconut oil helps with the itching, so do all the YI creams and things. If it’s a hemorrhoid issue, there are these things called Tucks with witch hazel oil on them, and they help.

    In either case, we can’t really diagnose anything here, and it really is best to get looked at. Is there a PP or another free clinic in your area? Good luck!

  12. Dri007 says:

    Ok, thank you! I am a huge proprietor of coconut oil so I will rub some around and see if it doesn’t help. There is a PP here, but it’s really rundown/underfunded/a bit sketchy, unfortunately 🙁

  13. Begana says:

    I would assume it’s from the camping, either an external yeast infection or possibly the bump you felt was just a pimple/zit there (I get those, especially if I haven’t been showering regularly.) I’m so sorry you’re going through this though.

    Also, I experience the wiping thing and as far as I know it’s normal. It’s possible if you frequently strain to poo or are irregular in that regard, you could have hemorrhoids, which often do cause an itchy butt. Also, though, using a lot of soap back there like someone else mentioned can do it. Either way, it definitely does not sound like an STI to me.

  14. Dri007 says:

    I was thinking it might be a pimple/zit, but was really curious when I didn’t see anything there…maybe I’ll ask my boyfriend to look. I just get all squeamish and I’m PMSing on top of it all…my PMS exacerbates my anxiety so terribly. I hate it. I didn’t realize, I guess, that too much soap in that area could be a really bad thing, so I will take special care to be weary of that when I shower later tonight 😛 Thanks!

  15. Uoyva says:

    Note for commenters

    OP, thanks again for trusting us enough to share your story. We hope that the comments you receive will be supportive and healing.

    This is just a quick note to remind readers that VP has some guidelines for responding to posts about sexual abuse or assault.

    VP is fabulous because of its members. We appreciate your sensitivity and understanding when responding here. 🙂

    If you have questions or concerns, feel free to get in touch.

    Caroline
    For the VP Team
    contact_vp

  16. EmeYes says:

    Could also be a sign of an intestinal parasite like pinworms.

  17. ThgTuT says:

    I can’t offer much more about your symptoms, but I wanted to say that I am very sorry that you were assaulted and, as a survivor, I completely understand you anxiety about anything being “wrong” down there. I hate going to the Dr.; I need my husband, a stuffed animal, and some Xanx. One thing that’s really helped me is the _survivors_ community on LJ. There are lots of people with different experiences but they are all so supportive.
    –Leah

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