I was raped this past summer and besides having terrible anxiety and PTSD-like symptoms as a result, I also have some obsessive tendencies and cannot stop my catastrophic thinking surrounding the possibility of having contracted an STI.
So, long story short…I was raped this past summer by a guy I worked with. I was drunk and did not consent to sex, although I did consent to other things…That’s beside the point. The guy who raped me had a very promiscuous past, I’m not sure he even has an idea of exactly how many people he has slept with. He has had only female partners, but mentioned having a mild infection of his penis at one point that he cleared up by taking medication. I am aware that this is extremely vague, but what I remember of his genital area didn’t seem anything outside the norm. While I know this is not really a good indicator of health, I really didn’t think about this very much until very recently, because I was tested and am tested for blood diseases on a regular basis because I donate blood and plasma. However, for the past couple of weeks I have been experiencing some itching around my anus and am extremely freaked out. I recently went camping for a while and had limited access to clean underwear/clothes, and started itching when I was still on the trip. I didn’t really think anything of it, because, well, I was rather dirty, literally, for a week straight. When I returned from the trip I immediately shaved my nether regions including a bit of my backside area, and felt my razor graze a little raised bump. I panicked and went and got a small mirror to try to look and see what its appearance was, but when I looked I didn’t see anything abnormal, so I went and assumed it was probably an ingrown hair and stopped worrying about it.
I have TERRIBLE anxiety, and I’m PMSing right now…so maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but I’m really freaked out as to the possibility of having contracted HPV or warts or something. I had had the person who raped me blocked on facebook, but have just now unblocked him despite being triggered by seeing pictures of him/thinking about him at all, just to ask if there was anything he needed to tell me, but am awaiting a response.
I can’t think of any other reasons I would have something going on near my butt, I’ve never had anal sex (I know you don’t have to have anal sex to get warts/sores down there), I haven’t changed my pooping/wiping habits…I have gained a small amount of weight this year but nothing too extreme (I went from around 125 pounds to maybe, MAYBE 135 because of stress and poor diet, I’m about to graduate college)…I just am at a loss. Sometimes though I think I’ve wiped enough and later I’ll go back, my butt will be itchy, so I’ll wipe with a piece of toilet paper or a babywipe (non-scented, for sensitive skin), and there will be poo! It seems like I can never get it all.
Any suggestions/advice RE: calming anxiety in regards to this stuff, wiping, seeing your butthole more clearly in a mirror, anything…would be greatly appreciated.
Edited for more information/clarity:
I have not been examined down there or had a pelvic exam because of my terrible anxiety surrounding being touched down there/looked at, etc. Also forgot to mention that the person who raped me was from Ireland and was working in the USA, and had to have a full body exam and tests before coming to the US…So unless he lied to me, which I wouldn’t be surprised at, the logical side of me/the side that is not controlled by generalized anxiety says that he wouldn’t have been able to enter the country/work at the place we worked at (a children’s summer camp), without having a clean bill of health, and I would have known if he had any medical conditions because I saw all employee records because I worked in the business office and oversaw all the BUNAC workers paperwork. Sorry for rambling 🙁