Hello VPers!

I'm 19 and a virgin. I've never been fingered by anyone other than myself and I've never had a gynecological examination. 
I recently bought a rabbit vibrator. I knew that most rabbit vibrators are quite large for someone who isn't accustomed to anything larger than a finger in her vagina. I masturbate pretty often, and I've been masturbating for years. I have a bullet vibrator but I wanted something to penetrate with. I consulted a very informative sex blogger on what sort of rabbit vibrator would be good for an inexperienced virgin like me. She recommended the Mood Seductive. After doing research on this vibrator I purchased it. It arrived a little over a week ago. From her advice, I also bought lube when I bought the vibrator. 
Long story short, after many trials and errors, I can't get the vibrator inside of me without me being afraid of tearing my hymen and/or feeling pain and discomfort. I have used tampons before, I have fingered myself before, and I have been able to fit two of my fingers inside of my vagina without any pain or discomfort (this toy is more narrow than two of my fingers). 

I don't really understand why I can't seem to use the toy without having a really difficult time. It could be the curved tip that is just so hard to insert into the vagina. Or it could be all in my head. I'm starting to think it is really. This toy isn't large at all. Its size is nothing compared to an actual penis, so the struggle I've been having with it has really been bumming me out. 
I feel afraid to tear my hymen. Sometimes when trying to insert this toy, I give up because I feel like I'm getting sore, and also discouraged. 

What am I doing wrong? How can I enjoy my new toy without a very painful experience? 

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23 Responses to the virgin and the rabbit

  1. Revoma says:

    if I may ask, why are you afraid of tearing your hymen? (This question is coming from someone who actually WANTS to do that, haha)

  2. Zlpmsk says:

    Just the pain apparently associated with it I guess.
    My mom always told us (to put off sexual activity I suppose?) that it hurts like hell.

  3. Revoma says:

    well, it varies from woman to woman, but that’s why I want to tear mine before I start having sex, as I want the sex to be as good as it can be. not trying to change your mind or anything btw, just saying!

  4. Zlpmsk says:

    I’d like to do that, but I’m such a scaredy cat when it comes to anticipating the pain. I have no idea what to expect.

  5. Revoma says:

    well, take it nice and easy. I read in one of your other comments you’ve only tried using 2 fingers once. How did that go? You can do a more gradual approach to stretch it out, so that when (or if) it eventually tears it’s not as painful.

  6. Zlpmsk says:

    Yeah only tried it once. Didn’t hurt at all, no discomfort. If I do have a hymen, then I felt like I was nearly stretching it by putting two fingers inside. But nothing hurt. I didn’t really keep them in there long because I was sort of nervous, thinking I could feel my hymen, if that’s what it was I felt around my fingers. So I didn’t slide them in and out or anything. I just slid them in, then out, then back in, and stopped.

  7. Revoma says:

    well… maybe you could have a little adventure, then? 😉 Remember you are in control of the whole situation, if you start feeling uncomfortable you can stop at any time.

  8. Smeco says:

    TBH babes, depending on how deeply you have fingered yourself, you’ve probably already broken your hymen. Tampons won’t ALWAYS do it, but can do occasionally (and you wouldn’t have noticed the extra blood then either). It sounds like vaginismus – which is smething i get occasionally, with maybe a bit of you being tight cos of being a virgin. it seems to take a while for our bodies to get used to taking on entry!

    Maybe use your bullet for a bit first, fingering, then move on to the rabbit after? It;s rare for a woman to be able to have “sex” straight off with no warm up.

    GL to you!

  9. Zlpmsk says:

    Well when I finger myself, it’s usually with one finger, and it’s as deep as my finger will go. I don’t do it very often but I’ve never felt pain or discomfort from it. I don’t use tampons often either.
    Yes maybe I should do more warming up. Maybe orgasm first?

  10. Gni007 says:

    Well, the hymen’s quite visible to the unaided (well, other than by a mirror) eye. There are some pictures up at the-clitoris.com (NSFW, obviously!) as well as an explanation of what that bit of tissue is.

    So the OP could totally pull out a mirror and look around. In a lot of cases the hymen stretches and thins over time; it never really breaks or tears in a nasty painful way. (In this comm we tend to hear from the people with really thick or septate hymens; the people who don’t have to deal with them don’t have to post about them, heh.) So if she’s been inserting a couple of fingers for a while, if she has a hymeneal remnant at all it’s probably not causing her any problems. 🙂

    I agree that the fear is the real problem – unconsciously assuming there will be pain will cause muscle tension which then makes pain more likely. So I absolutely agree with your advice. 🙂

  11. Gni007 says:

    You weren’t super far off! It’s just that a lot of people really do think that the hymen is somewhere deep inside and solid. It’s actually right at the vaginal opening and kind of frilly and can indeed be seen, if it even exists. 🙂

  12. Zlpmsk says:

    I haven’t put more than two fingers in more than once. I only did it once to see if I could.

  13. Srava says:

    Okay, first, are you adequately turned on and wet before you start using the toy? I sometimes have to make myself orgasm clitoraly before I can insert my toy, and it’s a small toy but thicker than yours. Even after that, I can’t put it in all the way since my vagina is not that long. Start out with your fingers, get good and turned on, then insert the toy slowly. Or, start out with the toy just vibrating outside on your clitoris and labia.

    Also, where are you feeling sore? Is it inside, outside, right at the opening? Are you inserting it at the right angle? Remember you put in a tampon by pushing it toward the small of your back – it’s the same with the vibrator. I only say this because when I’m using mine, I’m usually laying down and sometimes forget about the angle and it hurts.

    You also might want to check and see if you even have a hymen. I don’t think I ever did – sex/masturbation/tampon insertion never hurt. If I did have a hymen, I would have rather torn it by myself rather than during sex…but that’s just me.

  14. Zlpmsk says:

    Yes I always make sure I’m turned on and wet. I usually do some warming up, but I’ve never had an orgasm before trying to use the toy. So I’ll do that next time.

    Where I feel sore is sort of right at the opening. I think I might not be inserting it at the right angle due to the curved g spot tip.

    I’ve looked in a mirror, and I’ve looked at pictures and diagrams before. I honestly still can’t tell whether or not I have a hymen. But if it’s anything, when I fingered myself with two fingers, I felt something around my fingers, that felt sort of like a thin-ish membrane? Maybe was my hymen, or maybe I’m just that tight.

  15. Dooyle says:

    Not everyone who has a vagina even has a hymen. I would suggest pulling out a mirror and using gryphonwing‘s website suggestion and checking yours out. My guess is like everyone else’s, it’s psychological. You’re likely going to be nervous whenever you try anything new but you should definitely remember that not everyone has painful first time sexual experiences. Try inserting it at an angle and see if that helps as well.

  16. Zlpmsk says:

    Thank you! I’ll look at pictures and diagrams again, and use a mirror again. I’ve done it before, but I honestly can’t tell whether or not I have a hymen. I doubt I’ve ever broken it, so the case could be that I don’t have one or that it’s still mostly unstretched.

  17. Dooyle says:

    It could also be so large that you’re not likely to break it as well. I never had any pain and I can’t recall if I ever had one myself, so even if you do have one it’s not even necessarily likely it will “break”. There’s been many cases where hymens have remained intact past sexual activity because they do stretch.

  18. Kdgle says:

    Above posters have some good ideas. One thing I’ve noticed about vibrators that bend upward slightly at the tip is that I can’t just push them straight in. I need to angle them slightly to get the first inch or so in, then switch the angle to get it the rest of the way. I’ve had a fair amount of sex and if I -don’t- do this, inserting these vibes can be crazy painful! If you think about it — penises are pretty straight. They don’t bend up at the tip, and if they do, it’s usually a gentle curve and not an angle like you see on a lot of vibes. Tampons are also pretty straight. In addition, lubrication is also key.

    I’m having a hard time explaining this…okay, so if you are lying on your back on your bed, you would have the handle of the vibe tipped upward so that the tip of the vibe is parallel to to the floor. You could insert it, or you could just use it with a tiny bit of penetration — that can be fun, too! If you want to insert it further, once the tip is in up to the bend, you would lower the handle so that -it- is parallel to the bed and push. Does that make sense?

    I wish we didn’t talk about “tearing” the hymen, personally. It seems like often it’s more about “stretching.” Tearing sounds really scary and painful, even though one’s initial sexual experience isn’t.

  19. Zlpmsk says:

    Yeah, the curve might be what’s putting me off. It’s so much different than a finger or a tampon.

  20. YssNa says:

    When I was a virgin, I broke myself in (so to speak) with toys. I dunno. It hurt at first and I just tried to take more and more every day until I finally got it in and then I would put it in a few times per day until it stopped being uncomfortable. Like another commenter, U just wanted sex to be painless when I chose to have it and wanted to be able to control any pain myself. Speaking only from my experience, there’s not really a way to do it that doesn’t kind of hurt and if you do still have a hymen, worrying that you may break it will only make you tense up a lot more.

  21. Zlpmsk says:

    I would like to break it, just so that maybe my first time will be more pleasurable. But I feel too afraid of the pain. I’m really just being wimpy about the whole thing and maybe I need to woman up.
    Is there some type of mental preparation that you can recommend?

  22. PuoNo says:

    Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend a toy like that to someone new to activities that involve penetration, even if it is a slim rabbit. Even if it’s not as wide as two of your fingers, the diameter is likely larger; especially with the curved tip. Hymen worries aside, your vagina is a muscle- much like your legs won’t be able to do the splits without frequent practice, a vagina that has only ever had one finger in it isn’t likely to accommodate a toy like that without working up to it. And trying to force yourself will make you clench up more, making insertion harder.

    If you’re just looking to enjoy penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time, I would purchase a traditional slim vibrator (like this one http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/traditional-vibrators/first-time-power-vibe), and once you have it inside you, hold the bullet vibe against yourself in your non-dominant hand. This gives you a lot more control over what vibration is where, and the added ability to have vibration on your clit while inserting the vibrator might help relax you. Figure out what you like that way, then when you’re used to it give the rabbit a go!

    If you really want to use the curved toy now, I find that with a curved vibrator the best way to get it in is to just sort of rub the tip back and forth over your vaginal opening and gradually increase pressure until it naturally slips in. Like another poster said, rather than pushing straight in, holding it at an angle helps a lot.

    Try not to worry about your hymen- it’s likely already ‘broken’ from physical activity anyway 🙂 Focus on doing what feels good, rather than having getting the toy in you as a goal, and I’m sure you’ll have it in no time.

  23. 8idko says:

    To find your hymen, sit on the floor with your knees up and splayed, part your labia and examine yourself with a hand mirror. If you’re not sure what to look for, there are some VERY FRANK photos at http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/hymen.htm that will help. In fact, that whole website has lots of really good information.

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