Superstars, I'm hoping you can help me out. If this post makes no sense it's because my brain is reeling.

Yesterday, my boyfriend of almost three years dumped me completely unexpectedly. I tried to get him to tell me why, but he gave me some vague crap about "I just grew apart" and wouldn't say more than that. I really don't think that is the only reason, because when he came home from some military training last weekend everything seemed ok. I had absolutely no warning. Here's where I'm hoping you can answer my questions.

I asked him if he was ditching me because he had met someone else, and he said no. At this point I'm not exactly inclined to trust him, but I'm not sure when any hypothetical affairs began or what occurred. We had condomless PIV sex last weekend when he was home, since that was the norm for most of our relationship. I'm on the pill (Loestrin 24) and take it regularly, but I'm wondering if I should call my gyn and get an STI screening done? What would I ask them for, when I call to set up an appointment? Are there things they wouldn't regularly test for, that I should ask about? Is there a particular time frame that I should get this done in?
My trust in this guy has been completely devastated so mostly I'm looking for this as a peace of mind type thing, not that I have much of that now.

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11 Responses to Should I be tested post-breakup?

  1. Ybaoma says:

    i’m so sorry.

    if it will make you feel better, get tested. It can’t hurt anything and it might give you some peace of mind.

    When you call the clinic, you can say that your last partner may have been unfaithful, and you want the full battery of tests: urine, cultures, and blood. The clinic staff should be able to guide you through the process.

    Good luck.

  2. Siczoa says:

    i’m really sorry to hear about this 🙁

    i agree with the above comment- you could ask for the whole round of tests just be sure. i’m sure they’ll be able to help you navigate the process and go over the most vital stuff to get checked out.

  3. TeoFire says:

    It’s one of those things that doesn’t hurt anyway. Even if there were no suspicions, it is always a good thing to do between partners.

    I feel you, though. I’ve been dumped a good handful of times, and have to admit for all but one I sorta saw them coming or at least perceived some sort of changes in the relationship. Only once was I completely blindsided with a long-term one, a very strange 180 of behavior, with someone I had known for years. I’m definitely over it in an emotional sense, but I’m still confused a decade and a half later!

  4. 29dWoman says:

    You can tell them you don’t know if your partner was unfaithful or not.

    Here’s a list of STIs and their window periods:

    HSV 1 and 2 need to be specifically requested if you’re interested in that result.

    So sorry you have to deal with this, it reminds me so much of when I was dumped last November. Underneath the “i’m not treating you right, it’s me” it turns out he had cheated. Not that your partner did!! But you’re not overreacting by getting tested.

  5. SseNope says:

    It doesn’t sound like you have evidence for cheating, but STI screenings are a great idea anyway. You’ll get peace of mind, plus a clear bill of health going forward. (And if you do get a hit on one of the tests, well, it’s best to know now rather than a year or so from now!)

    If I were you, and money wasn’t an issue, I’d ask for the whole gamut. Remember that HSV tests aren’t really useful unless it’s a type-specific blood test. The test for HPV is probably not too useful, given how prevalent the viruses are and the utility of pap smears. But chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, trich, those are all good ones to get.

  6. Stuere says:

    Sorry to hear this.

    If you’re at the point where you’re considering getting checked for peace of mind, then I think you need to get checked.

  7. Ognfornia says:

    I don’t think getting tested is ever a bad idea, if there is doubt and it will be reassuring to you. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and I am sorry for what you’re going through.

  8. Ecasa says:

    Just to echo everyone else–I’m really sorry to hear about your breakup. If you want STI testing, then I completely agree that you should be tested. It’s ok if you don’t want to tell the doctor the specifics of your situation. Just ask for the full set of STI tests if you can afford it (and check around for Planned Parenthood or other clinics if money is an issue). I doubt they’re going to ask for details if you don’t want to talk about it.

  9. SseTuT says:

    I think you should be tested if that would make you feel better! I think it’s a good idea to get tested regularly anyway, especially in situations like these. Different STI’s will have different window times, maybe you can talk to your doctor and get tested now and then again at some point in the future. I don’t know what the “defaults” are, it probably depends on where you live, but if you’re seeing a doctor you trust you can explain what you want checked and ask about it.

  10. 24Net says:

    As others have said, your best bet is to tell your healthcare provider exactly what you’ve said here. You don’t know if your most recent partner has been unfaithful and you just want to be sure you are safe. They should do a complete STD screening, including blood tests for herpes (if you’ve ever had cold sores you will show up positive). Also, HIV can take 6 months to show up so you should get retested for it after that much time, and use condoms with new partners until that point.

    I’m so sorry about your breakup. I know it’s hard. 🙁

  11. Noo99 says:

    It’s usually a good idea to get tested every 6 months if you’re single and have multiple partners, or once a year if you’re with the same partner for awhile. I also think it often makes sense to get tested at the end of one relationship or the beginning of a new one, so yeah, it wouldn’t hurt to get tested.

    Just tell them you wanted to be tested for everything: HIV, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichmoniasis (sp?) and herpes.

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