Hi VPers-

I’m a little distraught…I recently started having PIV sex, and can count the times on maybe one hand, and each time has been relatively painful for me. I know that I have a “tipped” uterus so I’ve had difficulty finding a way that feels good for the both of us. I don’t mind being on the bottom with my hips slightly elevated, that works for me, but for him the Doggy Style works so far, but that way is really painful and I don’t enjoy it. We’ve sort of taken a break from it after one night of a very unsuccessful attempt that left us both feeling awful.

Can anyone provide any suggestions? I tried being on top and that’s not bad either, but he’s not getting the sensation he needs and when he’s on top he keeps saying he is just hitting my pelvic bone. And I don’t want sex to feel awful every single time. Someone please tell me there’s relief for me. I get really discouraged because I feel so abnormal all time with all the issues I have with my parts down stairs…

Thanks in advance ?

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10 Responses to Sex positions + retroverted uterus

  1. Gni007 says:

    There’s nothing wrong with your body no matter where your uterus hangs out. Honest! I’ve been with women of all sorts of shapes and sizes, and every single person is somewhat different, and learning how to bring her pleasure is one of the really fun parts. There really is amazing variation in sizes and shapes and textures and sensitivities. There’s variation in what kinds of stimulation people like, too – PIV is definitely not the main course of sex for everyone.

    Sex should definitely not feel awful. Having too much painful PIV, especially when you’re new to it, isn’t a good idea – you can accidentally convince your body that penetration is painful. I mean, some people enjoy the pain and discomfort, and that’s fine; but you said you don’t, so it would be a good idea to avoid it. (If the fella is unconvinced, you can tell him that painful penetration can cause vaginismus and then there will be no penetration at all.) A good lover – which he might well be, I’m not saying he’s not! – is just as invested in your pleasure as his own, period. I’ve known a few young men who think sex is supposed to be uncomfortable for women and need drastic reeducating, so it’s possible I don’t assume the best… What you’ve described above is that positions he likes hurt you, and positions you like don’t feel good enough to him. That’s got a slightly worrying bit of asymmetry.

    The whole “not getting the sensation he needs” thing might be the result of him masturbating with a really tight grip… Dan Savage has written a lot about that, and it can be overcome. If you think that seems like the case, you might nudge him gently toward one of Dan’s columns on the subject. Google “death-grip masturbation” (probably with safe-search on, heh) for more info.

    So, all that said, it sounds to me like you’re having angle difficulties, and, from what you describe, I have an idea that might work. Try you-on-top again, but slide yourself farther up his body than you did before, and lean forward. Essentially, you’re moving up above his hips. Plus you can lean down for some very nice kissing from this position. Then while you can control the movement for a while, when he gets to that I-need-to-thrust point (assuming he does) you can hold still and let him do the work. This should approximate the same angle of penetration as the missionary-with-hips-elevated position does, but gives you more control, so you’ll be able to make sure what you’re doing feels good to you.

  2. SeeSuper says:

    Thanks! that is very insightful!

    And I know how I wrote this it probably doesn’t come across very well…He’s very patient and always wants it to be pleasurable for me. I guess I am very concerned about it working out for him, too. I keep telling myself I keep doing everything wrong. :(

  3. Gni007 says:

    I’m glad I was reading too much into it! Like I said, I’ve known men like that, and I admit I’m a bit hair-trigger on that one.

    You can please him other ways, you know, there’s a lot more than penis-in-vagina sex out there. A lot of people think of the PIV part as the whole point, the pinnacle of sex. But even when all goes well, that’s way more likely to be satisfying for men than women! In my opinion, a successful sexual encounter is one everyone enjoys. Which bits are involved is not that important except to the two people involved.

    I don’t mean give up – if this is something you want to make work, keep trying other things! But maybe develop some non-PIV sexual habits (manual, oral, grinding/frottage, there are tons of possibilities) that please both of you, so you don’t get really frustrated if it’s a while before you can find a PIV position that works for you.

    And it sort of sounds like you might need to do other kinds of penetration too (fingers, toys), to work up to his penis. Oh, and I forgot: even if you’re not sure you need it, try using lube. :)

  4. SeeSuper says:

    Thanks again :)

  5. 210Super says:

    As someone who has relatively vivid memory of my first time with PIV sex, let me just say that it was NOT comfortable for the first 2-3 months. I’m not saying you should just ‘grin and bear it’ but my first partner was very well endowed and I had an intact hymen. So once that tore, all the fragments of it had to heal and the muscles of my pelvic floor had to relax enough to accomodate my partner’s penis comfortably. Here are the things that worked very well for me.

    1. Make sure you aren’t constipated. The vagina and the colon keep pretty close company with one another (practically share a wall) so if you haven’t had a bowel movement in a few days, your vagina will feel functionally smaller.

    2. Get turned on FIRST. Whether this means you need some clitoral stimulation, or breast play, or just more kissing, make sure you are mentally “wanting” sex by the time you attempt PIV.

    3. Lubricant. Your own natural lubricant usually isn’t enough to make PIV comfortable if you’re new to it. Purchase a water-based lube if you use condoms, or use an oil-based lube if you don’t. Have you or your partner work into penetration slowly, using fingers, and alternating between fingers in vaginal canal and fingers on/around clitoris.

    Finally, after the first three steps have been fulfilled, move to PIV intercourse.

    Personally, it took about 2 months of PIV several times/week before it no longer hurt, and after that for the first year if I would go several weeks without penetrative intercourse, it would be sore again. Finally, about 2yrs after I began having PIV sex, it was no longer painful and began to feel good.

    Don’t forget to give yourself a break if you are really sore after sex. You can always offer your significant other a oral or manual sex, and expect him to return the favor if you’re ever “in the mood” and he’s not!

  6. SeeSuper says:

    Thank you! I would feel very sore in my uterus for maybe 2 days following sex. I’m glad to read what you have to say! I won’t give up! :P

  7. Aryeva says:

    Another retroverted uterus owner here!

    Doggy is one position that’s excruciating to me.

    The best thing that worked for me? Just start testing all sorts of positions over time, but have him finger you. Once you find one that doesn’t hurt, then test it with PIV only when you’re turned on, and use lots of lube. Just because it feels good with fingering does not mean it will feel good with a penis, but if it hurts with a finger, it will definitely hurt with a penis.

    My usual position is me on bottom, knees bent and I lift my pelvis up, pushing down with my feet and shoulders. My lower back and butt are up. Every one I’ve found that works requires me lifting up my pelvis. Being on top tends to pretty much close off my vagina and make any sort of penetration painful. Once again, the more lube the better.

    It took a long time to find positions that didn’t hurt. Manual and oral sex are great alternatives. If I’m not completely in the mood for vaginal, then it tends to be painful.

  8. SeeSuper says:

    Thanks!! Yeah we’ve been having manual and oral for years, it’s only been recently that I’ve invited him to have PIV, because of so many different concerns. After what happened last week, we’ve been able to go back to our normal routine of manual/oral sex and all was well.

    Everything I’ve read about intercourse with a retroverted uterus has been very discouraging, but your comment was very helpful. Thanks so much!

  9. Sseyle says:

    No specific advice here, but I will say that unlike the movies would lead you to believe, sometimes it takes time to get sex going in an enjoyable way. Keep trying! But if something hurts, slow down, try a different angle, don’t “grin and bear it.”

    I find that moving my upper body helps change how things feel for some reason. So while me on top is uncomfortable if I’m sitting straight up and down, I can lean forward and it’s much better. Same with “doggy style” (hate that name). If i’m on all 4s it’s not comfortable, but if I lean down more, it feels better.

  10. anonyme says:

    It’s funny, I also have a retroverted uterus, and I have very different likes re: positions! Being on the bottom with my legs completely closed works best for me as the go-to position, as my partner doesn’t go completely in at that angle. Putting my knees to my chest hurts me a lot, as does being on top. My favorite is a modified doggy style where I’m up on my knees and leaning forward (my partner’s body and mine make a 45-ish degree angle) Basically, any position where he can’t go all the way in is better for me.

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