Alright…I just have a quick question. Does anybody know if you can safely use anal numbing lube for PIV sex? I'm failing really hard at it…my vagina does not like it. I'm 24, but I've only been sexually active since November. I've posted in here before about possibly having vaginismus but to me it really seems like the problem is the skin on the outside of my vagina, right at the opening. It still feels really tight and seems not to want to stretch. I'm using lube, am aroused, etc, before attempting it.

Last night I really mucked it up by starting to cry near the end because the burning and pain around the entrance was so unbearable.  I keep trying because I keep thinking it'll get better or I'll get used to it. Obviously, it is not a turn on at all for my boyfriend when I start crying from pain 🙁 I really want sex to be enjoyable for us, and maybe if there was something to numb me a little bit down there, I would be able to endure it? I mean he's super gentle and I still can't handle it…Has anybody else tried this before? I'm hesitant to put something intended for one orifice into another without being sure that it's safe.

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4 Responses to numbing lube

  1. 12all says:

    Hi! I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing problems with penetration. I’m definitely in that boat with you 🙁 I can say for a fact that my gynecologist has recommended using lanacane numbing cream to help with speculum insertion for PAP tests, but I’m not too sure about using it regularly for intercourse (it might rub off on the penis and numb that, which may not be ideal for your partner… I’m not sure how strong that stuff is though, but that’s just my thought!). That’s definitely a starting point for you to look into though. Also, have you talked to a doctor about the pain? They may be able to diagnose you one way or the other (i.e. remnant hymen or something), and there might be other options for you!

    Best of luck. I know how much this kind of thing sucks <3 The bottom line is this: if sex hurts, you should stop until you get a solution figured out. There are other ways other than PIV sex that you can explore while trying to find a solution, and then there won’t be the pressure to perform without issue. The more you have sex with pain, the more you’ll worry about it and how your partner’s feeling, and you may even start to associate sadness and insecurity with the act of sex. And trust me: that’s very hard to overcome once anxiety settles in! I hope everything works out for you.

  2. Selyle says:

    Thanks so much for responding! I really appreciate your advice. I will look into what you suggested and see if it works. Since we always use a condom (not ready for a baby just yet) it might be okay for him.

    But…I agree with the last bit. I don’t really see myself continuing this way without figuring out something to deal with the pain. I’m a pretty anxious person naturally, so…I definitely wouldn’t want to make myself associate that with sex.

  3. 12all says:

    Glad to help! :)!

  4. Eniova says:

    I’d go see a gynecologist about your pain/possible vaginismus. Personally, numbing lubes and gels don’t work well for me, so my gynecologist put me on an antidepressant, which has really reduced my pain.

    I don’t think anal numbing lube can hurt you (depending on the brand and ingredients), but in my experience it doesn’t help that much.

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