I have an uncomfortable question to ask. This is the kind of question that should really be answered by a medical professional, but I already asked one and she was very cruel in her response, basically telling me that my question was stupid and that I should just stop thinking about it (like it's that easy). So I thought you guys might be able to offer your opinions.
I was abused by my mother's boyfriend for roughly a year when I was nine, but I dissociated in a major way and don't remember all of it. I had always assumed that this abuse could not have involved actual rape, as my hymen was completely intact until a year ago. But recently I have been reading more and more about the hymen and how it doesn't actually work the way most people think it does, and since my situation is unusual in ways I will shortly explain, I am now wondering if perhaps I may have been raped after all.
I had to have my hymen surgically removed last year, because it was much thicker than it was supposed to be, and would absolutely not break naturally. The hymen itself was normal in terms of structure — the opening was there so I was menstruating with no problems, and for a long time every doctor who had a look at me told me there was nothing wrong with it because it looked fine. But when I saw a specialist they verified that it was incredibly thick and would just refuse to break, so I had it surgically cut out. Before surgery I would examine myself often, and sort of feel around to see what was going on with my hymen. The opening would not stretch past a certain point, but the only reason for that was the level of pain — I have vulvodynia, and when I would try to stretch my hymen it would tug on the walls of my vagina and the pain would be excruciating, so I could never stretch it very far. When I would try to insert larger objects, again I was unable to use much force because of how much it hurt. It is entirely possible that I may have been able to stretch it open farther, or that I may have been able to insert something larger, but I was simply unable to because of the pain.
My question is this — do you think it is possible that I could have been raped? I have read that often the hymen doesn't break at all, it just stretches or tears slightly. Considering that mine was so thick, do you think that it is possible for me to have been penetrated by him, and that my the only reason my hymen stayed intact was because it was so thick? Do you think it could have just stretched? And that maybe because he used so much force he was able to penetrate me in the way that I was unable to do myself? Could a very thick hymen stay intact through that kind of thing?I hope you understand what I'm asking, it's been really difficult to word this in a way that makes sense. It's just that I had previously ruled out rape as a possibility because of the presence of my hymen, but now that I know some women's hymens don't break, and that my hymen is abnormally thick, I can't help but wonder if I might have been raped after all.
It may seem silly to be so hung up on this one detail. The specialist I asked certainly seemed to think so. But to me it is very important to either rule this out or accept it as a possibility. I just need some opinions please.