Hey, fellow VP peeps! I have a small question concerning masturbation.

I only masturbate occasionally, (and kind of half-heartedly?). It only ever involves my clit, so I'm not sure if it's really masturbating, but I suppose you all could clear that up for me as well.. Anyways, my main question is how do you know if you've had an orgasm? I mean, I often get very wet while masturbating, and obviously aroused, but I'm not really sure if anything else has happened. I'm kind of new to the whole "self-pleasuring" thing, and I've never had sexual intercourse with another person, so I'm not sure on how to elaborate any further. lol Any comments/explanations/advice would be appreciated.

P.S. I'm so glad that there are internet forums like VP on the internet. I think it's so important for women of all ages to have a safe place to come and ask questions or share their experiences.

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20 Responses to First post!

  1. Hteall says:

    (We also get men with vaginas here, as it happens! O;> )

    Masturbation, for those in possession of a vagina, can be internal, external, or both. Most people with clitorises find that internal-only stimulation rarely, if ever, produces an orgasm, though some people have fortunate anatomy and g-spot stimulation and/or stimulation of the internal “legs” of the clitoris, can produce results. (There’s also scientific studies noting that orgasm is possible in people whose spines have been completely severed — stimulating the cervix routes sensation through the vagus nerve to the brain, and permits climax.)

    So however you get pleasure “down there,” go ahead and call it masturbation, and there are probably at least three other people who do it like you do on VP alone.

    For orgasm? Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes this depends on the person, and sometimes on the orgasm. My first one was pretty obvious, but I’ve also managed to go too hard, too fast, and get the most miserably frustrating “climaxes” that are mostly a sudden over-sensitivity and a few anemic contractions.

    The main physical indication of an orgasm, in those possessed of vaginas, is the vaginal contraction. The muscles have a spasm, rather like a hiccup; this can be a weak one, a strong one, and ranges from one (usually the weak ones…) to several. For many people, this is accompanied by a sudden clitoral oversensitivity — no more touchies — but some people can start building up immediately. (Not meeeeeee.)

    For an obvious orgasm, there tends to be pleasure, along with a building urgency — rather like a sneeze. The climax itself may be fast or drawn out, mostly according to the person experiencing it, and is also often sneeze-like in the sense of relief. (This is why lack of climax is frustrating; ever had a sneeze alllllllmost there, and then you lose it and all you’ve got is an itching nose? SO ANNOYING!)

    Some people can start building up to another orgasm immediately, as above, with a stimulation-time-required measured in seconds less. Other people have a longer refractory period, where stimulation is irritating or frustrating at best, before orgasm is once again possible. (Personally? 45 minutes is about my shortest refractory period, and most of the time the second climax isn’t really worth the effort. I tend to be a one-a-day gal.)

    If you’re starting out with kind of sad climaxes, it’s possible that changing up your masturbation habits — in particular, trying to go more slowly and less directly at first — may intensify the experience. Or it might just take practice.

    People who are on anti-depressant medication (and other kinds of meds) may experience a loss of libido, loss of sensation, and/or loss of ability to orgasm — i.e., stuff that was a sure-fire “over the edge” becomes hit-or-miss, or just plain miss. So that can cloud the issue as well.

    And finally… some people can masturbate, or have partnered sex (PIV or otherwise), without orgasm… and still enjoy it and feel satisfied and content about the experience. And that’s perfectly good, too.

  2. RanClo says:

    See, a problem I’ve had is with what to do when I get to that just-before-climax moment when oversensitivity hits and I just want no touching but I’ve not yet climaxed – any tips?

  3. XdxWoman says:

    Ah! That happens to me too occasionally. During PIV sex, I have to use a wand to orgasm and sometimes when I am just about there, it’s too much. I usually move my toy to a less sensitive spot where I still can feel it and try and keep my concentration and go again. Or I do something/have my partner do something to take away my complete concentration on that area, if that makes sense. Maybe touch yourself/engage in other stimulating acts that draw your body’s attention elsewhere. I don’t know if that’s helpful at all but that what I do. I hope you figure something out!

  4. RanClo says:

    It’s all good advice, thank you, but I don’t actually know what a “wand” is? 😀 Care to explain?

  5. XdxWoman says:

    It’s a sex toy! I use two; my main one is the Hitachi Magic Wand. It’s billed as a personal massager but all the shops and online stores (even Amazon) carry them as adult toys. At first, it was insanely overwhelming and I put it away for a few weeks, now I couldn’t live without it. I use it for clot stimulation. I am more than happy that we found something that helps me orgasm with my fianc? (or another person at all) but its really limiting since it only plugs in to the wall and is really really loud, heavy, and large. Still, it does great things for me. I have a smaller, less noisy, less strong one as well which is probably what I would suggest for someone just starting out.

  6. XdxWoman says:

    HA!! Yes, I use it to stimulate my clots, it’s a literal lifesaver. Thanks iPhone. *CLIT

  7. Nahro says:

    LOL So sex really IS good for your health!

  8. Hteall says:

    I don’t actually get that till after climax, myself — unless I’ve really gone “too direct” on the stimulation beforehand. (Which usually produces miserable little climaxes, if any. Sometimes it just shunts to “too much! stoppit!” and leaves me frustrated.) If the issue is that you maybe are skipping the “sneeze accomplished” relief, but are actually having a teeny-physical-only-orgasm… Back off before you get to that state?

  9. RanClo says:

    Hmm, I see what you mean. I’ve been wondering if it was something /similar/ to that, so I’ll have a little experimentation with things and then tell my SO. Thanks. 🙂

  10. Nahro says:

    Thankyou for your response! It really did explain a lot…
    I’ve come to the conclusion that I may have had, on occasion, a few muscle contractions, but not any of the obvious “sneezing” orgasms. But then again…maybe I haven’t been paying very close attention? lol

  11. Hteall says:

    It actually took me some time to notice the effect, even when I was having the “sneeze-relief” reactions! And even now that I do notice it… the smaller the climax, the smaller the contractions. (And during PIV sex, I don’t really notice them at all for some reason. Bodies, they iz odd.)

    Glad to be helpful or at least entertaining!

  12. Nahro says:

    Indeed. XD They iz.

    Also! I wanted to let you know that just I caught your language correction that you put in your first response. I’m so sorry for not specifying that I was talking about both cisgendered women and transgendered women. (Or any other applicable variation.) I’ll definitely be more mindful of that in the future!

  13. Hteall says:

    And transgendered men! If anything, it’s probably really hard for transmen to have safe places to discuss sexuality — being a guy with a vagina can be rough. O:(

  14. Nahro says:

    I seriously can’t even begin to imagine!

  15. Egneeva says:

    When I first started masturbating, I felt the pleasure…and the rushes of good feelings. And the more I did it, the longer I did it, the closer I got to “something”. I eventually got to the point where I knew it was something I was scared of (I was very young, 12 maybe?).

    But I had my first official orgasm by using a hand held shower directed at my clit. And then I knew what that was.

    To me, an orgasm is like an all over body “sneeze” sort of feeling. It builds, gets stronger, starts in your genitals and works it’s way up through your body and almost showers with fireworks lol. If you could visualize what an orgasm would look like, a fountain of sparks is what I would see. With these showers, I moan, my heart races, my vagina and belly contract and it feels really good..like a tension release.

    Once it’s over, I’m pretty limp and yummy feeling. My heart and breathing settle down. To me, it’s unmistakeable but I know I had to learn to masturbate to orgasm. Keep going! 🙂

  16. Nahro says:

    Iiii..definitely have not had an orgasm, then. LOL But now I have a way clearer image to work toward! Thankyou!

  17. NexWoman says:

    I was masturbating for a few months before I had my first orgasm. My first orgasm, I wasn’t even positive I had had one; I had been masturbating for awhile and so I think I was overstimulated, as others have mentioned, so while the sensation was different to what I had felt before, it didn’t seem as “climactic” as I had been led to believe, so I doubted whether I had had One. However, as I refined my technique and found what worked for me, the orgasms became more powerful and the build up to them became more obvious. One way to tell is by vaginal contractions; that’s a pretty good tell, for me. Even if I have had a weak orgasm (they can definitely differ in strength and feeling!) I know I orgasmed because my vagina will involuntarily spasm and contract afterwards/during.

  18. Nahro says:

    Thankyou for your comment! I think I know what to look for now…

  19. Nyrne says:

    I went several years of masturbation and sex before I realized I was actually having orgasms. I was expecting them all to be more like what patchworkorange describes, when in reality they were much more subtle. It wasn’t until I realized this that I was able to start having more “full” ones, once I was able to relax and not stress about it.

  20. Nahro says:

    I see! This really helps. Thankyou for responding!

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