My genderqueer girlfriend and I have been exploring some Dom/Sub bedroom play, and she has requested that I come up with a more gender-neutral title for her than "Mistress".
The only things I came up with were Master (because it is masculine, it works for everyone), Sire (which I guess is kind of stupid, boss, owner, slave driver (maybe too intense, ha!).
“Herrin” looks like it’s derived from German to me? If that’s the case, the explanation is that “Herr” is a lord-type-word (gets used of God, is masculine), and -in is an ending that turns nouns feminine.
lets see… from personal experience with Ones who didnt want to have their personal names used its been Lord Fallcon, and Evil Santa and “Teh Domly Dom who Doms a lot” (because i art teh smartass).
Grand PooBah, Your Imperial Pookiness, Grand High Muckity-muck.
but i’m agreeing about the idea of one special name you use for your dear one, that you ONLY pull out during those times. when i was married to the ex, and we’d let too much time go by between intimacies (kids, jobs, etc) we had a code phrase: “i miss you”. and even if the answer was “i miss you too but i’m too damn tired”, the idea was put out there.
and your using THAT special name would let your dear one know that yes, you’re putting out that hint that BDSM time would be a great idea to you.
Hrmmm. I kind of like “My Liege.” Poking around cyberspace, I’m also seeing “Mentor” (depends on your dynamic, I guess); “Professor” (although I can see that being an issue if you’re around vanilla types who actually ARE professors – I personally would find it amusing, but that’s me 🙂 ); “Teacher” ; and using the first name but in a highly formal manner (lots of “Excuse me,” “I beg your pardon,” that sort of thing).
• Highness, as suggested. Majesty, Grace, and Excellency are also potential variations. • Senpai seems to be gender-neutral, but may not have the full effect unless y’all are anime-fans. [Name]-sama would be another Japanese-style honorific that might work. (No kimi is one I haven’t heard much, but it’s on the wikipage…) Kami or kamisama could be god/dess. (That’s a simplification, but might be a useful one.) • Owner is certainly gender-neutral, but may or may not fit with the scene(s) y’all prefer. • My Star/My Sun if you’re more astrologically inclined. • Teacher might be appropriate for some scenes. • Light of my Life, or something similarly flowery, could be appropriate for other scenes (especially worship-scenes?).
This is tricky! I do like “Ser” as a more gender-neutral equivalent to “Sir” (though it also reminds me of ASOIAF, which may be a pro or a con), Commander, Boss, Chief, Your Highness/Your Majesty (or just Highness/Majesty), My Liege — I wish I could help out more here.
Would “highness” be acceptable? It conveys a sense of power, but it’s not as gendered, because it’s used for both male and female rulers.
Ooh, I like that one.
This might work 🙂 Thanks!
I have been thinking and thinking and thinking.
The only things I came up with were Master (because it is masculine, it works for everyone), Sire (which I guess is kind of stupid, boss, owner, slave driver (maybe too intense, ha!).
That is all I got!
My first thought was owner.
Um. Masculine is, by definition, not gender neutral.
Oh that IS a hard one! I honestly can’t THINK of any!(I’m a sub to one and Dom to the other.) It IS a valid question.
Oh yes- when my partner does not want to call me Mistress but wants to be Dommed- he uses a special pet name. Maybe that would work
Men and women in the armed forces are “Sir” regardless of gender
Highness, Owner, Your Honor, Sir [used for both genders in the military, etc], Wiki lists ‘Herrin’, but I can’t find much more on that word.
Or Mixtress–a variation on the GQ title of Mixter.
Sir is not used for women in the military, at least not in the US.
“Herrin” looks like it’s derived from German to me? If that’s the case, the explanation is that “Herr” is a lord-type-word (gets used of God, is masculine), and -in is an ending that turns nouns feminine.
Mixtress!! That’s adorable!
I’m a big fan of “my liege.”
I rather like this as well. I will see if this or Highness is preferred, or if they spark any further ideas between us.
Commander?
lets see… from personal experience with Ones who didnt want to have their personal names used its been Lord Fallcon, and Evil Santa and “Teh Domly Dom who Doms a lot” (because i art teh smartass).
Grand PooBah, Your Imperial Pookiness, Grand High Muckity-muck.
but i’m agreeing about the idea of one special name you use for your dear one, that you ONLY pull out during those times. when i was married to the ex, and we’d let too much time go by between intimacies (kids, jobs, etc) we had a code phrase: “i miss you”. and even if the answer was “i miss you too but i’m too damn tired”, the idea was put out there.
and your using THAT special name would let your dear one know that yes, you’re putting out that hint that BDSM time would be a great idea to you.
There’s a local mistress who has a sub who calls her Universe. I love it <3
Hrmmm. I kind of like “My Liege.” Poking around cyberspace, I’m also seeing “Mentor” (depends on your dynamic, I guess); “Professor” (although I can see that being an issue if you’re around vanilla types who actually ARE professors – I personally would find it amusing, but that’s me 🙂 ); “Teacher” ; and using the first name but in a highly formal manner (lots of “Excuse me,” “I beg your pardon,” that sort of thing).
My boyfriend calls me My Queen or Her Highness.
Unfortunately, those are both distinctly female-gendered titles, so they won’t work for us.
Oooo, an interesting puzzle!
• Highness, as suggested. Majesty, Grace, and Excellency are also potential variations.
• Senpai seems to be gender-neutral, but may not have the full effect unless y’all are anime-fans. [Name]-sama would be another Japanese-style honorific that might work. (No kimi is one I haven’t heard much, but it’s on the wikipage…) Kami or kamisama could be god/dess. (That’s a simplification, but might be a useful one.)
• Owner is certainly gender-neutral, but may or may not fit with the scene(s) y’all prefer.
• My Star/My Sun if you’re more astrologically inclined.
• Teacher might be appropriate for some scenes.
• Light of my Life, or something similarly flowery, could be appropriate for other scenes (especially worship-scenes?).
Some of these are good too, Majesty might work (apparently I’m liking the royalty/slave vibe)
Boss.
This is tricky! I do like “Ser” as a more gender-neutral equivalent to “Sir” (though it also reminds me of ASOIAF, which may be a pro or a con), Commander, Boss, Chief, Your Highness/Your Majesty (or just Highness/Majesty), My Liege — I wish I could help out more here.