hi lovelies

first just a warning that i'm going to discuss horrible gynaecologist experiences and self harm. i do not want to offend or trigger anyone, but i don't know what else to do. so please think before you click.

ok as outlined in a previous post which is this one http://vaginapagina.womanorium.com/20237622.html#cutid1 really hope the linky works. i've being having some issues after being examined by a dr when i was 15. i was not told what would happen, i wasn't even told what part of my body was going to be examined, i said no and stop and was ignored. ever since i've had nightmares, a fear of hospitals and a tendency to cry or run away when i have to see a dr.

i've tried 3 times to get some counselling. the first time i was refered by a gp and was refused counselling because i cried at the assesment to see if i needed counselling. the second time i was refered by a gp  and they didn't contact me like i was told they would. the third time was last july i was refered to a sex therapist by a gp and i still haven't been contacted like they said i would be.

today i saw there was a sexual health clinic in my city (yay for internets) and i phoned to see if they would be able to advise me if i could get counselling somewhere. they said to come to the clinic and they would give me some advice. so i headed there with directions, then realised its at the hospital but in a separate building so i thought i'd be ok. i was there for about a minute before i had to rush out. i couldn't breathe and it took me about 20 minutes to be able to breathe normally again. i've spent the past 4 hours crying and can't seem to stop.

this thing, situation, i really don't know what to call it, happened on the 24th of may and ever since as a twisted kind of celebration every 24th may i hurt myself. i tend to cut myself and take a lot of painkillers hoping i'll never wake up again. this is wrong of me but i don't know how else to cope with that day.

i've been having some health issues for the past few months and have finally got an appointment to see a gyn at the hospital and its for the 25th of may. this is a problem. and i tried to change it but the next appointment is at the end of july so i can't have it as i have to be seen within a certain timeframe according to the hospital. i will have to go alone because the rest of my family is on holiday then. while i need this appointment for my health, i'm very scared and know if i do manage to get to the hospital on that day i'll probably run out crying before i actually see a dr.

does anyone know of anywhere i can get counselling, i've tried through the drs and obviously thats not working. any organisations or something? i'm in the uk, in the north of england to be precise if that makes any difference. i've done a google search but i've only found counselling for people who have been sexually assaulted or raped, so that doesn't apply to me. i need some help because i've been trying to be strong for nearly 7 years now and i still can't cope.

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25 Responses to counselling

  1. Swo007 says:

    Have you tried contacting MIND? They are a mental health charity in the UK and can probably point you in the right direction to get help/counselling.

    If you don’t mind me asking, roughly where abouts in the North are you? I’m in Yorkshire so I may have some more ideas for you if you’re around here. Do you have a friend you can trust to go with you to your appointment?

  2. 46eana says:

    i didn’t know about mind, thank you for introducing me to them. they have an email address, so i’m going to email them in the morning and ask.

    i’m in sunderland, so tyne and wear area is accessible to me. i don’t have any friends who would come to my appointment with me. to be honest all of my friends are gay men who tend to be really squicked when it comes to anything vagina related, even sitting in a waiting room labeled gynaecology would be too much for the couple i trust enough to ask to accompany me. that and i try not to let my friends know my issues because i just don’t want to bother them.

  3. Eni99 says:

    “counselling for people who have been sexually assaulted or raped, so that doesn’t apply to me. “

    While you may not consider what happened to you at the doctor’s when you were 15 sexual assault, it does fit in with a “textbook” definition, so you don’t have to feel like you can’t utilize those resources. It sounds like this experience was terribly traumatic for you, and counseling might be just what you need.

    I also second the recommendation of bringing a friend with you, even if it’s just to wait in the waiting room and help you calm down.

  4. 46eana says:

    the policeman i talked to after what happened happened (yeah that doesn’t look right but my frazzled brain refuses to think), said that it was assault but not sexual assault because the dr was doing it for a medically motivated reason not a sexual one. so i always assumed that it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to use resources that were intended for others. thank you for the clarification.

  5. Eikva says:

    First of all, I’m sorry about what happened to you; it sounds like it was very distressing and frightening, and that it is still causing you a lot of difficulties.

    I am a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Therapist, working in the UK, and from what you’ve described, I think CBT could be helpful for you. Over the last four years there has been an initiative designed to widen the access to psychological therapies in the UK. It’s called Improving Access to Psychological Therapies or IAPT for short. Every area in the UK should now have an IAPT service, provided either by the NHS or a charitable provider like MIND or RETHINK. You don’t say where in the north east you are, but if you google IAPT for your area you should find details. You should then be able to go back to your GP and ask for a referral, or even refer yourself (most IAPT services take self-referrals). If you self refer, explain that you had a traumatic sexual experience and are having current difficulties as a result, and this should ensure you are seen by the most appropriate part of the service (or they may refer you on if necessary).

    I hope this helps. Good luck.

  6. Dooyle says:

    Out of curiosity, do you know how to find CBT therapists in relation to autism or being diagnosed with Aspergers in the UK?

  7. 46eana says:

    thank you for the information. i didn’t know about that. i googled iapt and i’m currently on the website. i’m going to try mind first which is one of the places listed on the iapt website for my area.

  8. MirNa says:

    I want you to know that what you are describing is rape, and what you have been experiencing is PTSD. You are feeling a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. There is good treatment for how you feel–please look into a therapist trained in EMDR for trauma therapy. I just want to validate that your experience was real, it was traumatic, and you are doing the best you can after an awful situation.

  9. 46eana says:

    thank you. i’m going to google ptsd in the morning when i’m concentrating enough to remember things.

  10. UceNet says:

    I am so sorry you are having a horrible time finding help. In that at least, I can understand how you feel; I had a very hard time finding treatment when I was suffering from my eating disorder, which although severe, was never considered to be serious enough to get help on the NHS. In the end I contacted a local private therapist and received the weekly appointment I needed to get better (the NHS had decided that one appointment every 3 months was sufficient).

    If you do have the money to spare, then I would urge you to find private care if you find the NHS and Mind are unable to cater for you adequately.

    All the best.
    x x o

  11. 46eana says:

    i’m sorry to hear you had such a hard time finding help. i’m going to try mind before i think about going private as money is quite tight for me at the moment. thank you for sharing your experience with me.

  12. Ttefornia says:

    I’m aware this is potentially kind of a crap offer, BUT: I’m UK based, have fuck-all to do with my time right now, and if you’d like to have some company around then you’re welcome to me. (If you’d like to meet up beforehand in a cafe or something you’re welcome to that as well!)

    You’re unlikely to be able to access counselling via the NHS (typically CBT) prior to your gynae appointment unless you choose to go via asking your GP to get you seen by your local Crisis Team. Unfortunately they’re not likely to be able to provide you with the longer-term support you need.

    If you feel comfortable giving us more details about, for example, the nearest big city to you — I could try looking up non-NHS low-cost/free counselling in your area.

    And… what everyone else is saying about it not being at all surprising that you were traumatised by the experience. Best of luck to you. x

  13. Sseyle says:

    This is not a crap offer. Whether or not it works for the OP, it’s a pretty wonderful thing for you to suggest, and I feel lucky to know you.

  14. 46eana says:

    thank you, that is not a crap offer its a fabulous offer. i’m in the sunderland area, so tyne and wear-ish would be accessible for me. i would try my gp but i doubt anything would come from it as its never worked before. i’m going to try emailing mind in the morning as a starting point, their website says they have a base in sunderland. i’m trying to avoid having to explain outloud as that seems to make me cry and i never know what to say.

  15. Dooyle says:

    Have you ever heard of Pink Therapy? It’s a list of LGBT*Q, kink, poly, etc. positive therapists in the UK. And a lot of them do sliding scale costs for low income people.

  16. 46eana says:

    i’ve never heard of that, thank you for telling me. i’m going to start with mind first but will try that if they can’t advise me.

  17. Ttefornia says:

    I hadn’t heard of it either and am going to see if I can ferret out somebody useful for myself. Thanks for passing on the resource.

  18. Eneora says:

    I don’t really have much to offer, but I do want to say that I’m sorry you had an experience that was so frightening for you. I really wish that all doctors would at least explain things to people beforehand….. 🙁

    I hope that you’re able to find some resources that are beneficial to you <3

    Please be safe on all days, but especially the days that are most difficult for you. If I were closer and you were comfortable, I would spend the day with you to try to help you stay safe <3

  19. 46eana says:

    thank you for the offer its very kind and generous.

  20. Siaora says:

    Have you had a look to see if there is a rape crisis centre in your city? They offer free counselling on your terms for as long as you need, and they don’t just offer this to women who have been raped — they offer it to any woman who has gone through anything sexually traumatic at any point in their lives. I am currently going to counselling at a centre like this. They aren’t doctors, they don’t examine you at all, they don’t even touch you, and centres like these are always kept at undisclosed locations to protect the privacy of the women going there, so it won’t be in a building that is in any way like a hospital. The one I go to is just a big house, it looks totally innoccuous.

  21. 46eana says:

    thank you for the suggestion. i just don’t think i’d feel right using a service like that. i’d always feel bad that i could be taking up time that should be used on someone who actually needed it.

  22. NetWo says:

    I second all of what’s been said about finding therapy and don’t know much about resources in the uk unfortunately.

    What I wanted to add was that if the idea of a hospital is very traumatic–you may want to look into the resources of a midwife. Many if not most midwives do whole-person/vagina-owner care not only baby-delivering kind of care. I am again lacking in uk specific knowledge but a midwife or even a doula (tell them a little of whats up health wise that you need taken care of and also that more traditional medical settings are really upsetting for you). I would think thatsit would find somebody at least willing to give you support/recommend some resources that way.

  23. 46eana says:

    thank you for the suggestion. unfortunately in the uk midwives look after pregnancy and baby arrivals. and i need tests that only a gyn can do according to my gp.

  24. Oreova says:

    I just wanted to say that I am so impressed by your persistence in figuring out the system and finding the care that you need. I know that talking about it isn’t easy (and neither is navigating bureaucracy), and I wanted to say congrats for your strength in reaching out for help and making those phone calls. Here’s hoping that you do find a good counselor and start to feel better soon. Keep us updated, OK? ((offers hugs))

  25. 46eana says:

    thank you, hun. hugs are always appreciated. i’m just so grateful for all the wonderful people here. i will post later when things have happened.

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