Context: Husband and I intend to start trying for a baby in a couple of months. Till then, I've gone off hormonal birth control and we're using condoms. Both of us were sexually inactive before marrying and so we're new to condoms. While I was on HBC, we just didn't bother with condoms.

Problem: Condoms were fine to use for the last month, but recently they've been a bit sore for me. My vagina gets a raw-feeling after a little while. It takes husband a little longer to orgasm while wearing a condom, which means we're going for longer, which is more uncomfortable for me. We use lube when needed. If we decide not to use a condom when I'm infertile, sex might be a little uncomfortable, but it doesn't ADD to the discomfort.

Question: Is this normal? Do we need more lube? Do condoms typically add more friction, thus the discomfort? Suggestions, advice to lessen this discomfort?

Thanks everyone!

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18 Responses to condoms causing discomfort and pain

  1. Gni007 says:

    I always hated condoms – too much friction! Adding more lube is a good idea, but you could also try different brands. I had good luck with the Kimono brand. 🙂

  2. Ranlight says:

    Cheers. Buying a different brand wasn’t something that even crossed my mind! DUH! Thanks for the suggestion.

  3. Abo99 says:

    Hi OP,

    I discovered I had a sensitivity to latex condoms. The feelings were pretty much what you described – burning, chafing and a dry feeling. I switched up to non-latex condoms and have been fine since. I always always lube, I find that if I don’t I dry out a lot. I use a water based lube, and am pretty assertive when I need more lube.

    Sometimes if my guy is taking longer to finish up than usual I pretty much contract the heck out of my vagina in a rhythm which usually speeds him up pretty quickly. Also verbal encouragement seems to help.

  4. Ranlight says:

    I’d heard of latex sensitivities, but hadn’t thought to check if the condoms are. They are! Will be buying latex free ones from now on. Thanks!

  5. 12Nobody says:

    You could maybe try female condoms. They’re a lot different than male condoms and won’t reduce the sensation for your husband as much. Or so I’ve heard, I’ve never had PIV sex!

  6. Tcmnia says:

    You could try lube, but check to make sure your period isn’t getting ready to start. My vagina gets very dry right around the time my period starts and I’ll sometimes get that rub raw feeling, which sucks because that’s when I’m the horniest.

  7. Iniofa says:

    This. When I’m right before my period, we need to use extra lube whereas normally we do fine on pre-lubed condoms only. You could also experiment with different condom sizes.
    I’ve never had PIV sex without condoms, so I can’t say what it is like without.

  8. Ranlight says:

    I get a bit dry during that time too, but recently I’ve been feeling quite naturally lubricated, but it’s still sore. We’ve got a water based lubed that we use when I’m still dry after foreplay. I think it might be the condoms themselves.

    Thank you for your suggestions!

  9. GodNew says:

    Yes, it’s normal (for me, at least). And I highly recommend using lots and lots of lube. Reapply multiple times while having sex. Seriously, you can’t overdo it, and lube makes condom sex MUCH nicer. 🙂

  10. Ttefornia says:

    Hmm, if you’re able I would definitely try non-latex condoms. Latex sensitivities can develop over time with exposure.

    Of course, if these condoms are lubricated it might well be that you just don’t get on with the lube being used on them, so def. try a different latex-y brand too 🙂

  11. EohNet says:

    Just to check, are you using condoms that are ribbed or otherwise designed to add friction? I found those made long sessions pretty bad. Also, I would avoid spermicidal condoms, because the spermicide in the lube is not shown to decrease chance of pregnancy (unless you buy a separate spermicide), but it’s enough to irritate my tissues.

    I also second the possibility that you have become sensitive to latex.

  12. Ranlight says:

    Doh! Yes, they are ribbed. 😛 stupid me! We bought a couple of different packets with different flavors/textures. The ones with flavour are a bit weird for us, so we’ve been going for the ribbed ones when we reach for the box ‘o fun.

    Thank you for asking obvious questions!

  13. Kdgle says:

    One more “dude, get the non-latex kind” suggestion. You might have to try a couple of different varieties — some of my cis-male partners like Durex Bare better, others have preferred Trojan Supras. (Not sure what’s available outside of the US, my apologies.) In addition, silicone lube is the bomb for me in terms of not drying out and making things stickier.

    FWIW, my experience with female condoms was that it was like having sex with a baggie stuck in my vagina. Your experience may vary, but it pretty much sucked and they were really expensive in comparison to other varieties.

    ps: Your user icon is fantastic.

  14. Ranlight says:

    Thanks! I’m a menstrual cup convert through and through. We recently moved and my cups got packed with everything else. Turns out we can’t move straight into our new house, we have to stay in a hotel for the next 3-4 months! I’m using tampons in the meantime and I’d forgotten how horrible they are! Wah! 😉

    We had a look at silicone lube, but are going to use up our water based one first. It felt so nice!!

  15. Hteall says:

    Another different condom to consider would be lambskins, which I find to be as good — or better! — than no condom at all, personally. They are, however, expensive and the anti-vegan. (They also don’t protect vs. STDs, but that’s not an issue, I’d presume!) I think they have a kind of apple-like smell, but I’ve heard that some people don’t like the lube-scent.

    I also agree that it sounds like you may have a mild latex allergy. But even without one, I find latex condoms (which I sometimes use on vibrators with “iffy” surfaces) to be “frictiony” and “draggy” — at the least, you’d probably need more lube, and something better than KY. (The KY stuff I’ve messed with is okay for a very short duration, and then goes to a sort of “tacky” consistency that is great for giving a hand-job, but makes my tender bits cringe.)

    Good luck!

  16. Ranlight says:

    Thanks for the feedback on latex condoms. Not having much varied experience with them, I’d just assume everything’s par for the course 😛

  17. Dnrme says:

    #1 – love the icon

    #2 – my partner and I use condoms and have for 4 years. I’ve found that Trojan Ultra Thins (lubricated) are the best brand for us, and use extra lube just for good measure. Good luck!

  18. 29dWoman says:

    Get a paraben/glycerin free lube, water based or silicone based. I’d go for silicone-it lasts much longer. Put lube on the inside and outside of the condom, and lots of it!

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