I have a serious complex about my entire vulvular region.
No one–not my doctors, not my mom–has ever confirmed this to me, but I am pretty sure I was born without any inner labia or a clitoral hood.
I have a clitoris, but it’s a weird one. Because I have no hood and no inner lips, the WHOLE THING–shaft and all–is exposed. And the tip is really odd looking. It’s not a nice shiny little bulb protruding from a mound of pink flesh. It’s dark and flat, probably because it sticks out and has been sort of pressed by me crossing my legs my whole life. The worst part is that having no protective hood makes it painful at times…not to mention dry.
I have avoided relationships my whole life because of this–because I’m scared of how dudes will react to the fact that I look like I have a teeny tiny dick (since the shaft is typically internal), and because I’m scared it will be painful rather than being the pleasure button that it’s supposed to be.
I have tried googling and while I found a few results from women who have the same issue, most of what I found had to do with female genital mutilation. That definitely did NOT instill a lot of confidence. I know all of our bits and pieces are different, but to just not have something seems so weird to me and makes me so upset. I have never read anything about these parts being “optional” or variable. I’m not sure why this happened, or what to do.
And yes, I have a doctor’s appointment, but it isn’t until next month and I hoped to get some input before then.